For Jim

Are we to love only those who deserve our love? Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.
- Matthew 5:43-45

For Jim:

Jim is the best friend of my mom. Though he passed away on Dec. 2, 2007, I still say that he “is” because I believe that those who give love to this world, and those who are loved, never leave, and never truly die. Jim is one of those people.

I think that one of the lasting memories of Jim would be his amazing capacity for forgiveness and love. He was able to forgive and love throughout many years of misunderstandings, anger, bitterness, and grief. His voice still comes through, “Why can’t we all just get along?” To us, it’s a funny memory and to others it may seem like a joke, but come to find out, there’s an innocent hope there that I think is all too often lost in the shuffle. He lived by this simple question, and died because someone else couldn’t answer it. Turns out it’s easy to ask, nearly impossible to answer. I think if we all tried a little harder though, maybe eventually we could help each other get closer to the answer. What do you think?



Cheers, Jim: To Love.

Regret and Change

"Never live in the past, but always learn from it." – Unknown

I used to say that I didn’t have regrets, and that I didn’t believe in them. I think this was in part because I was afraid of regrets. I would still love to believe that I don’t have regrets, but I am coming to realize that regret is not always a bad thing. Regret can facilitate change, and change is not only necessary but inescapable.

Change is happening whether you like it or not. There are some things that we can not control, and the only thing we can determine is how gracefully we accept that change. Change is a natural process that our minds, bodies, and souls do even without our realizing it. If you have something that you wish could be different, be aware of the changes going on in your life already – you might be naturally moving toward a better outcome than you would have thought of on your own. I would advise to let change happen naturally: don't fight it, but guide it toward where you want to be and let change guide you too. Sometimes the things that we think are accidents are just changes happening without our noticing. Want to change your past? Do it, but do it naturally. From what I’ve seen, trying to make unnatural changes doesn’t work. After all, the future is merely a reflection of the past.

Of course, one way to avoid regret in the first place is to change the way you deal with life in the first place. Recently, I discovered that because of my fear and my insecurity, I missed out on an opportunity that I could have really enjoyed. Do I regret the decisions that led me away from this opportunity? Yes. However, what I have now is just as good, and perhaps better. Not to mention that I would have missed out on all the lessons I’ve learned on the way if I had taken the opportunity. Does that mean that I won’t change my future? Absolutely not! Because of this experience, I have learned to believe in myself more and to stand up for myself and for what I deserve.

Regret and change are two issues that I think are universally challenging, and are also two of my favorite topics, so if anyone has any advice or helpful experiences, please feel free to respond!